There’s a story in the Buddhist tradition that goes like this…
A western monk at a Buddhist Monastery became frustrated by the difficulties of practice and the detailed and seemingly arbitrary rules of conduct that the monk had to follow. He began to criticize other monks for sloppy practice and to doubt the wisdom on the teaching. At one point, he went to Achaan Chah the master and complained, noting that even Achaan Chah himself was inconsistent and seemed often to contradict himself in an unenlightened way.
Achaan Chah just laughed and pointed out how much the monk was suffering by trying to judge the others around him. Then he explained that his way of teaching is very simple: “It is as though I see people walking down a road I know well. To them the way may unclear. I look up and see someone about to fall into a ditch on the right-hand side of the road, so I call out to him, “Go left, go left!” Similarly, if I see another person about to fall into a ditch on the left, I call out, “Go right, go right!” That is the extent of my teaching. Whatever extreme you get caught in, whatever you get attached to, I say, “Let go of that too.” Let go on the left, let go on the right. Come back to the center, and you will arrive at the true Way. (Excerpt from Soul Food, Jack Kornfield & Christina Feldman)
I love that stories have a way of conveying important messages without pressure. You get to simply listen and be open. Through that opening, it seems that wisdom is absorbed rather than studied. And with that wisdom comes balance.
Softening is so much the practice (and art) of letting go. You can see how the teacher is guiding the monk to know his own suffering and to let it be. (Not an easy task.) To quote Buddha, “The sky has no east or west, nor does not make any distinctions between this and that. Distinctions arise from the human mind alone.” The teacher also shares that whatever you get caught up in is your responsibility but on this path, you will be asked to let go of it. He also offers a reminder that whatever your extremes are or attachment to your perceptions, there is an opportunity to master yourself before critiquing others.
Here are 5 questions to ask to help go deeper into the topic of learning to soften. Easy does it and remember to be kind to yourself. Offer yourself time to reflect through writing, movement, contemplation, or talking to a trusted friend.
What division exists in your life that could be reconciled with honest communication?
What extreme (“this or that”) thinking could you loosen your attachment to through deep understanding?
What in your life right now is needing the response of love and acceptance?
What is a negative belief you hold about yourself that you’d be willing to reconsider?
What opportunities do you have to truly make a difference and show others the way?
This week’s meditation practice is available here. Love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts on Inward Reflections by Calm Point. Connect with me at @laurenlee.love and @calmpoint_.
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New! Inward Reflections: Soften